LOVE, LUST
and
OTHER BRUISES
I am who I am.
Who else would you have me be?
Is it better to have loved and lost,
than to have never loved at all?
That is the age old question!
A STORY OF UNREQUITED LOVE.
Without a shadow of doubt I am, in a number of ways, a very fortunate man
being both blessed and cursed, for I have twice experienced an emotion,
call it a rush for want of a better word,
that goes well beyond even that wonderful, carefree, walking on air, breathless, the future is bright because together we can do anything feeling which comes from being in love.
It was an emotional response that came from being connected with another soul on all three levels, physical, emotional and spiritual.
A most powerful emotion, its raw strength and sheer intensity tore the very fabric of my self understanding when the love affair came to an end. Though even now, when I close my eyes and recall memories of that first moment when physical touch consummated the bond, I can feel again the rush, it goes through me like a bolt of electricity.
Yes the "High" was an extraordinary experience, but the low that followed the death of the affair was equally so, being both powerful and devastating. I came away from both relationships bruised in heart, broken in spirit and battered in soul.
I honestly never expected to ever feel such emotion again. Indeed it was a less intense experience the second time I found a lover, who possessed the ability to reach out and touch my heart and soul.
Perhaps that was because the connection was a one sided unrequited love. The end result was the that I could not remain in her life as a friend, there was just too much raw emotion. Even though that was my decision, the loss of her friendship was a turn of events which further saddened me.
As I said earlier I have been both blessed and cursed, for deep within my heart I still carry a torch for two very special ladies.
It may very well be that on my journey through this life I crossed the paths of my Soulmates and our lives touched for a brief period in time.
I believe it to be so, how else can one explain love which, in one particular case is, still as strong as it was over 37 years ago.
Fanciful?
Perhaps.
Though from my perspective I think not,
for I am a romantic at heart
(yes I know, kinda doesn't flow with the image lol)
though you, dear reader,
may very well decide otherwise...
being both blessed and cursed, for I have twice experienced an emotion,
call it a rush for want of a better word,
that goes well beyond even that wonderful, carefree, walking on air, breathless, the future is bright because together we can do anything feeling which comes from being in love.
It was an emotional response that came from being connected with another soul on all three levels, physical, emotional and spiritual.
A most powerful emotion, its raw strength and sheer intensity tore the very fabric of my self understanding when the love affair came to an end. Though even now, when I close my eyes and recall memories of that first moment when physical touch consummated the bond, I can feel again the rush, it goes through me like a bolt of electricity.
Yes the "High" was an extraordinary experience, but the low that followed the death of the affair was equally so, being both powerful and devastating. I came away from both relationships bruised in heart, broken in spirit and battered in soul.
I honestly never expected to ever feel such emotion again. Indeed it was a less intense experience the second time I found a lover, who possessed the ability to reach out and touch my heart and soul.
Perhaps that was because the connection was a one sided unrequited love. The end result was the that I could not remain in her life as a friend, there was just too much raw emotion. Even though that was my decision, the loss of her friendship was a turn of events which further saddened me.
As I said earlier I have been both blessed and cursed, for deep within my heart I still carry a torch for two very special ladies.
It may very well be that on my journey through this life I crossed the paths of my Soulmates and our lives touched for a brief period in time.
I believe it to be so, how else can one explain love which, in one particular case is, still as strong as it was over 37 years ago.
Fanciful?
Perhaps.
Though from my perspective I think not,
for I am a romantic at heart
(yes I know, kinda doesn't flow with the image lol)
though you, dear reader,
may very well decide otherwise...
I WANT YOU!
``I want to live with you
I want to live in a home decorated with pictures of you
I want to wake up every morning by your side
I want to kiss your cheek and whisper Good Morning in your ear
I want to prepare your breakfast
I want to make you laugh
I want to place strawberries in your mouth
I want to tell you how much I love you
I want to take you in the shower
I want to run my hand over every part of your body
before I leave to go to work I want to pull you to me and kiss you one more time
I want to think of you till it is time for me to go home
I want to call and ask if everything is fine
I want to bring home something you like to eat
I want to get home, take you in my arms and kiss you
I want to take a shower with you again
I want to eat candy with you in our bed full of pillows
I want to watch anything on TV whilst hugging you
I want to fall asleep whilst smelling your neck
I want YOU.
I want to live in a home decorated with pictures of you
I want to wake up every morning by your side
I want to kiss your cheek and whisper Good Morning in your ear
I want to prepare your breakfast
I want to make you laugh
I want to place strawberries in your mouth
I want to tell you how much I love you
I want to take you in the shower
I want to run my hand over every part of your body
before I leave to go to work I want to pull you to me and kiss you one more time
I want to think of you till it is time for me to go home
I want to call and ask if everything is fine
I want to bring home something you like to eat
I want to get home, take you in my arms and kiss you
I want to take a shower with you again
I want to eat candy with you in our bed full of pillows
I want to watch anything on TV whilst hugging you
I want to fall asleep whilst smelling your neck
I want YOU.
The unanswered question.
"I gave you my Heart to have and to hold,
wanting nothing more than with you to grow old.
My Heart, with disdain, you shattered in two,
returning the pieces, minus a few.
So cold, so callous
from me you withdrew
Devoid 0f emotion.
A love wasted on you."
I have often wondered why, after a relationship has ended, we continue to remain in love with the very one who has broken our heart and shattered our dreams...
Is it because we are not ready to let them go, even though they no longer want to be part of our life?
Is it part of the separation process, a form of grieving?
There seems to be no end to the memories that flood the mind, the acute sense of loss, the devastating pain, the tears that are never-ending.
I seek an answer to this question, though I understand that in all probability there is no answer.
Whilst I have twice experienced love in its highest form, on both occasions when I gave my heart
into the hands of a lover, they broke it in two and handed back to me on a platter.
The first time I understood the reasons and that knowledge helped to ease the pain of losing a woman whom I still believe to have been my Soulmate.
I have never stopped loving her, even though it is almost a lifetime since our love was in full bloom.
I will carry a torch for her to the grave, such was the strength
and depth of the love that we shared.
The second time was so different, for it was not a love shared. It was a case of unrequited love...
A one sided love affair.
She asked for honesty and sought knowledge of my feelings for her.
When I responded with words of love, she simply turned and walked away,
distancing herself from me. Leaving only a sense of loss, heartache and tears.
She cast me aside, with a level of callousness that still, to this very day, stuns me.
Cold, emotionless, she walked from my life with not a care in the world.
She heard nothing I said.
Saw nothing in the words I wrote.
All she left behind was a man broken of heart, a man struggling to come
to an understanding of why it had gone so horribly wrong..
I miss her terribly, for even now, she still walks the empty corridors of my mind.
Haunting my every waking moment, my every dream.
Yes I still love her, even though she ripped my world asunder and cast me aside so easily, with such disdain.
Such is the price of Love my friends, and it is a hell of a price to pay.
Yes, I have often asked the question...
You gave me your body but never your heart!
I gave you my Heart to have and to hold,
wanting nothing more than with you to grow old.
My Heart, with disdain, you shattered in two,
returning the pieces,
minus a few.
So cold,
so callous
from me you withdrew
Devoid 0f emotion.
A love wasted on you.
wanting nothing more than with you to grow old.
My Heart, with disdain, you shattered in two,
returning the pieces,
minus a few.
So cold,
so callous
from me you withdrew
Devoid 0f emotion.
A love wasted on you.
All I ask of a Woman
All I ask of a woman is that she feel gently towards me
when my heart feels kindly towards her.
And there shall be the soft soft tremor as of unheard bells between us.
It is all I ask.
I am so tired of violent women lashing out and insisting on being loved.
When there is no love within them.
It is all I ask.
by Anon
when my heart feels kindly towards her.
And there shall be the soft soft tremor as of unheard bells between us.
It is all I ask.
I am so tired of violent women lashing out and insisting on being loved.
When there is no love within them.
It is all I ask.
by Anon
